Now the real media bubble forms. 5 figures and then drop?
At 5 figures I can cash out and retire for good, so be it

This is wrong, you're not doing it right.
Cashing out to fiat, you will lose money.
Bitcoin is MONEY, its a store of wealth. Ppl can have their retirement saving in bitcoins and spend it as they needed.
Understand the technology and you can appreciate to be early adopter.