Guys, I totally messed up. I was hungry, and I didn't have any clean silverware. Taking what I thought to be an empty USB drive, I proceeded to spread peanut butter with it, and jelly (yum - strawberry!) on some bread. But then the dog started barking and totally distracted me. I turned around, and much to my dismay the dang beast leaped up and snatched my USB-knife out of my hands!
There he was, snarfing down my USB drive, when I realized... oh no... my WALLET WAS ON IT.
So, I tried to reach down his throat but it was no good. He didn't like me doing that, and clamped down pretty hard on my hand. I think I broke something too, because I heard a snap. Or maybe that was the USB key case cracking in my dogs throat, I'm not sure. So, I put things away while bleeding copiously everywhere, and sat down clutching a soaked dish-rag as a bandage to check on my wallet backups.
Well, wouldn't you know it, my dog had some kind of coughing fit and BAM, the key flew out of his mouth, into my eye!! Now I'm screaming a lot and the neighbors are starting to shout at me to knock it off, but I can only see out of one eye here - and goddamn does it sting! Stupid dog!
Now I realize I'm losing too much blood, and I think I might be close to shorting out my laptop. The dog is barking, the USB drive is lying somewhere in the room covered in dog drool and bile, perhaps unrecoverable, and my vision is starting to turn into a tunnel of blackness....
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You should have encrypted and backed up your eye. Your fault. It's a free market, tough luck.
