I've never been a fan of the comparison of Bitcoin with Gold, it's never worth it as I earn my decent money from the two. Nevertheless, thank you for admitting that you are biased towards Bitcoin in your write-up which also shows that you are not a good investor but an opportunist for what Bitcoin has to offer and for what the Bitcointalk members like to read. Good investors do not have any emotion leaning on any asset against another, that's just against the rule. As it is, I will not be able to reply to all your irregular points, but I will do my best to answer a few important ones that caught my attention.
Bitcoin is never a substitute for Gold, the two are just different assets with different sources, models, structures and operations. Also, it is good to know that Gold is a compressed asset, which will never make it behave like Bitcoin which is not a compressed asset. This is why you see Gold adding trillions of dollars and may not move more than $300. This is what it has to pay for being a centralised physical asset, and such was done to avoid inflation of the precious metal. The track record of Gold is enormous, is it the age, its use as the world reserve and many more? It has survived the test of time but Bitcoin is still very young and time will tell more about the two. For your information, your Gold can be bought and stored online as well, it is not necessary for you to buy and own only physical gold before you own and benefit from it.
The DCA approach did not also start from Bitcoin, it started many centuries before Bitcoin and enough people had used it in Gold and other assets and kept their assets just fine.
Wait a minute, where do you DCA your Gold if not online for safekeeping? Do you even know what you are saying?
Regardless of what the OP or maximalist bitcoin investors say, the end result is that gold is many times larger than bitcoin in terms of market cap as well as demand. We should look at the results to evaluate instead of just giving flowery words just to flatter others because that doesn't make us richer or better.
Gold investors never compare gold with bitcoin or any other asset, but why do bitcoin investors like to brag and find ways to prove that bitcoin is better than gold? This is like having only servants compare themselves to others, while kings never compare themselves to anyone because they know no one will be better than them.
The more we compare and put others down, it only shows that we are weaker than them. Comparing bitcoin and gold has never and will never make bitcoin surpass gold.