nope

your letter is wrote with tooooo much geek speak

try again, but do it with less paragraphs and in plain laymans english.

eg

I’m writing to ask you to consider accepting Bitcoin at [Business Name].  It’s a revolutionary currency in which people around the world can make transactions instantly.  Merchants and customers pay almost nothing for this service!  Because a lot of money goes into making fiat currency transactions seamless and secure, Credit card fees are too high as we know it.  The Bitcoin changes all of this by being secured by encryption and not being sourced in one location which irradiates manipulation and ensures Bitcoin isn’t controlled by any single entity or government.  
...

You can be in full control by selling the bitcoins back to legal tender using services like localbitcoins whenever you like, or hold onto them for investment purposes. Because it’s relatively new (5 years old), Bitcoin’s value is a little volatile.  However, companies like Coinbase and Bitpay offer merchants the opportunity to accept Bitcoin at zero risk to this volatility through the option to immediately convert transactions to legal tender making it an automated and risk free option, should you choose that route.  Large companies like Dell, Dish, and Expedia, as well as hundreds of thousands of “Mom and Pop” stores are now accepting Bitcoin to take advantage of the near zero transaction fees.  This new technology is saving businesses and consumers a lot of money!  The only people who don’t benefit from this system are the credit card companies and intermediaries.  Before bitcoin, these corporations “granted” us the power of monetary transactions - but now the power is yours without their consent.

How are worse letters relevant to this one? Franky is right, they will not understand it and that will scare them off (average humans).
This would work if it was a bit shorter, and a bit less complicated. OP +1 for trying.

You said that bitcoin price is a little volatile, maybe you could fix that in : very volatile. Maybe you are not that much into finance, but in BTC world 10% price change is normal, which is not normal for most of the assets out there. Imagine EUR/USD change in 10% per day, that would cause colapse to the most of the economies.

Whoever felt they really needed to deface it, really?

It only takes 2 seconds to restore it to the old version. It's like defacing wikipedia, there's absolutely no point.

i didnt realise the document was publicly editable. hmm i guess it is to be expected that some troll would deface it.

i usually post edits in the forum and allow the OP to edit it from a closed document, saves feeding the trolls

first paragraph... ummm no
the security of bitcoin has nothing to do with price(FIAT/legal tender value of a coin) manipulation, but irradicates balance personal holdings (amount of bitcoin) manipulation

second paragraph

firstly i replaced dollars as i was thinking of making the letter more international so it can be usedin the UK or urope without editing. i though using FIAt was a weird word so chose legal tender.. bt now reading it back, maybe either go with dollar or use the words national currency. as the words 'legal tender' may make people think that bitcoins are not 'legal' and open up a floodgate of questioning about if bitcoin is illegal to use. (laymans thinking)

my previous post was saying basically, you can either do it manually yourself using localbitcoins and sell back to dollar/national currency when you like, or just hoard.... or you can automate it using coinbase/bitpay and take the manual effort and price volitility out of the equation for a subscription/small fee.

but it seems like your trying to push them the coinbase/bitpay route without showing all options.. which is kind of leading the customer down a narrow path.

third paragraph

bitpay/coinbase do have fee's though. so becareful not to promise things that are untrue

How much do plan on spending with these merchants, OP? What's your monthly BTC budget?

Marketing means selling. So, marketing what? BTC? You can sell your BTCs any time without any marketing.   "To businesses" - your ambitions are high Maybe you can start "guerilla marketing" of the BTC from your local grocery shop around the corner? That would be more realistic.

That's exactly what I intend to do!   And my hope is to provide a sample letter from which anyone else who wanted to do this sort of grassroots marketing could draw from.

Nailed it. The above sentences are an adequate sales pitch imo.